Izu's World

I’ve been thinking that I’d really want to blog about something interesting, write about interesting stuff so that those who read the blog would find it interesting, but… truth to be told there is nothing interesting in my life to talk about. I’m quite the shut in. I don’t go out all that often – once a week with A., but now I’m studying day and night, so we haven’t gone out for the past 3ish weeks, and she is in the UK to work on her loan for her master’s degree, so… yeah… I’m stuck with talking about how I feel, which is either nervous before the exam, happy/sad after the exam and feeling down and stressed in between exams, my family pissing me off in every possible ways.

I have no life and I’m the one to be blamed for it. I’m too afraid that people would dislike me to actually try to connect with my classmates, plus they are too busy with their own lives, loved ones, jobs and studies, so… it’s not like we have much of time to get to know each other, and during the vacations everyone is going to their hometowns… So yeah… I guess I’m just finding excuses. Yes, I’m that lame.

I just… I don’t know what to talk about… other than my moodswings and my rants, which is getting a bit boring and pathetic. At least I’m letting it out somewhere and not bottling it up, being too afraid to the ones I consider friends and tell them how I feel and why I feel like this...

It just sucks being so insecure and so afraid that you’d disappoint people and that they would hate you for not always being a happy person or not being able to stop your moodswings… I just get an anxiety attack just writing this. If anyone knows a way to fight insecurity, to get over all my fears… please tell me how… please…