Well… I haven’t updated in a while, so I decided it was about time this to change. The past couple of weeks had been quite busy and stressful on me, but… I’m surviving more or less. I still feel somewhat lost and down when I think about the future or about my current life. I still get those freakish nightmares that keep me from getting any reset. I still get panic attacks out of nowhere. Pretty much I gotten out of the hole that I’ve fallen into. But at least my semester started, so classes will be keeping me busy and won’t give me much time to get moodswings.
I did quite a bit of shopping, spending tons of my savings mostly on clothes… Well, only on clothes. I’ve lost about 10-15 pounds since the last fall-winter, so I had just about no clothes for those seasons. And it did make me feel a bit better – I guess people are right when they say that shopping sprees are a great therapy. I got a couple of new pairs of jeans, three sweaters, seven t-shirts, four long-sleeved shirts, some scarves and hats, all I need to find is a new winter jacket and maybe a new pair of winter shoes, but I couldn’t find anything nice or warm enough. But I tried to buy clothes in light and bright colors to give my mood a bit of a boost up and I’m really enjoying dressing up for school every morning (especially because some of my friends there noticed that I’ve lost weight over summer!).
The first week back at classes kicked my ass quite badly though. I was at school for four days from 8-9am to 7-8-9pm – I just had to visit tons of elective classes in order to choose those that will be most interesting and easiest to me as I want to get good grades at the end. But my obligatory classes seems quite tough or at least the professors and the assistants made them sound like this mostly because they turned out to be lecturing quite badly -_- I just hope that I’m just overstressing for the classes and that they will turn out easier than I expect. But I do know that I’ll have to study harder this semester if I want to get that 5.0 (equals to a ‘B’ or a 2:1 in the UK) that I need in order to have the chance to apply to do my master degree in London.
Mm… what else… We’re still looking for an apartment for my brother. They almost made a deal on one, but at the last moment the condo was sold to someone else. Then we found another one, but my brother is a bit paranoid now -_-‘ We’re going to take a look at some new condos on Monday, but I’m no longer opening my mouth because every time I tell my brother and mother my opinion I end up being accused and told to shut up because I knew nothing. *rolls eyes* Their money, my brother’s place – none of my business.
Mm… also the weather went nuts. From 25C it went to 5-10C over a couple of days. :/ It kept raining for almost 5 days and even though it finally stopped yesterday it got only colder. And I got a cold – my throat hurts, I feel dizzy and just kinda weak – not fun. But I’m taking tons of meds so I should be okay by Monday. I hope so…
A.’s busy with her classes, so we don’t talk all that much now, though of course the two times we got to speak the past couple of weeks was her whining about how boring her life is, how horrible her ex is, how fake people are around and so on, and so on. -_-‘ V. is not better either, though she talks to me almost never (for which I’m so very thankful, because she is just a horrible person – way worse than A.).
I’m trying to get closer with my friends from class – I hang around with them on our free periods, had lunch with them three times this week and I went to the cinema with one of them on Wednesday after deciding to skip one boring lecture. Though I’m quite nervous every time I open skype to write to any of them – thank god that I am good at acting so none of them really knows just how insecure I am… I dunno… I just want to have fun and not overthink things. I’m still learning how to do those things…
Mm... I dunno… nothing else happened in my life the past couple of weeks. My muse is still a bitch so even roleplaying is slow now. I guess I will write another entry tomorrow because I started my last year at school, so I just want it to have its own mentioning in the blog. *shrugs* My life is rather boring and not much happens, so… yeah x’D Sorry for wasting your time with those lame posts (if anyone’s reading it that is xD ).
1 comments:
It felt kind of weird reading some of your posts; it was sort of like reading about parts of my own life, lol. I know what it's like to feel trapped in your own room, in your own skin, to want to be able to go out and make friends and have a life, even if it's only for a little while. I wish I could say I had some sort of advice on how to make things better, but I'm afraid it would be empty (and kind of hypocritical, since I'm in sort of the same boat). I can't help but wonder why you don't simply end all contact with 'A.' and 'V.', but at least knowing what kind of people they are is half the solution. I'm glad to see that you're making the effort to become the person you want to be, though, and I really hope it keeps going the way you want it to. And just as much, I hope that this little note brightens your day, even if only a little. Even if no one else sees it, you ARE worth caring about.
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