Gh… what is wrong with people? Is it just me or ‘friends’ are really not friends any more? I miss the times when having a best friend meant that the two of you would die for each other, cover for each other, fight next to each other, be actual best friends. But it seems that with growing up people stop being real friends. I mean… seriously… the only true friends I have are those that I have online, mostly because when things are online you can’t actually hurt each other and whenever you talk to each other you first think, then write what you want to say and the other have time to read it, think about it and actually respond honestly and with some thought put into it, when in face-to-face conversations it usually goes faster and people don’t always think about the other’s feelings.
Anyways… this blog post is going to be about A. and how I’m starting to realize that she is really not my friend, despite me being always there for her. I’ve posted quite a lot about her, but just the last week… well, it really made me see how dumb, selfish and mean she is.
But let’s start from the beginning.
We became friends at 8th grade – the first year of high school over here. She was drawing and I was writing stuff, so being both creative we clicked right away. We got addicted to internet together, we spent tons of hours in internet cafes as we didn’t have internet at home back then in 2001. It was great – we were the best of friends, being still kids you know. In 9th grade her mother passed away – lung cancer, and I was there for A. every single moment of it. Because of me all the teachers gave her good grades despite not really going to the tests or failing them – she was going to be applying to a Six-Form school in the UK, so she needed good grades. And of course she was accepted and she left for the UK after 9th grade.
Mind you, it was damn hard to make new friends at school, but I made it. And right now I honestly believe that us being away for so long was what kept our friendship going on, because we hardly spoke, chatting or emailing once or twice a week. But even I got internet at home and we started talking every day, she was always the once talking. Always telling me how crappy she felt, never asking how I was. And trust me – I wasn’t well at the time. I really needed a friend who would listen to me, who would ask how I felt or what was going on… only that such friend was nowhere to be found. Well, except on gaiaonline.com which turned out to be my savior at the time. If it wasn’t that site I would have gone crazy… Roleplaying saved me back then because I got the chance to pour out all my emotions into my characters…
Anyways. I had a huge depression for a year and a half, but she never noticed. I was insomniac, I failed my exams, I felt like dying, but she never once asked me ‘Hey, what’s up? How are you?’ or if she did, she never waited for my reply, but she always started ranting about her ex boyfriend from the first year in college with whom she is still obsessed and she can talk about him for hours. Anyways… Years passed, and I realized that no matter how much I needed her to listen to me for just once, it won’t happen anyways. So I actually started getting online on skype less and less – what was the point? It kept our ‘friendship’ for another year or so, and then we started talking again. Or more exactly she started ranting to me about everything and anything and how crappy her life was, once again never asking about me… and if you’ve known me for more than a week or two you already know just how many issues I have, don’t you? But she doesn’t despite being my friend for nine years now.
She graduated from university with a crappy major (some literature that cannot be used for anything, not even teaching). She didn’t bother searching for a job and she stayed jobless for a year in the UK, doing absolutely nothing. And whenever he sister – a successful lawyer in the UK, told her to grow up and get her life in her hands, A. would start bitching about how horrible her sister was. *rolls eyes* She did work once a week as a catering waitress, enough to get a few pounds to live through the next week, but really… she spent more on e-bay and for beers than for food. :/
Last year in December, her sister finally told her to pack her stuff (as she was living with her for free) and come back to our country and try to find some job here. So she came back and ever since then I’ve started seeing her for who she really is. A lazy, selfish person, who has no motivation to do anything, who blames everyone but herself for her problems and acts like a 12-year-old spoiled teenager. Needless to say she never looked for a job here. And her father is not all that well with money, owing huge loans to the banks, being on the verge of losing their place. But she always bitched when he refused to give her 20 bucks to go out or when he told her to either find a job or go back to the UK. She is lucky that her father lives with a woman (rather stupid, but very kind) – this woman took huge loans so that A’s father won’t lose the apartment, and she keeps giving A money despite having her own needs and expenses, and whenever she tells A that she doesn’t have money A goes ranting for hours just how mean this woman is. Seriously?
This on one hand. On the other A treats me like a given. I have classes, exams, I have hobbies, I work out, I like spending some time on my own, I have a sick grandmother that cannot always be left alone. And what does A do? She pouts at me every time I tell her I am busy or I’m sick. Calling me names, talking about what a horrible friend I am and so on and so on. And what happens when we go out? She usually has 10-15 bucks, which she spends in no time for food – pizza, salad, etc. and drinks and she drinks ten times more than I do, her money ends in no time, but she doesn’t stop drinking. She just continues drinking and then tells me to pay. And this is every single time. I’m not rich. I do not work. I have a monthly allowance that my brother and mother give to me, with which I cover the internet bills in our two apartments, my cellphone, my expenses about lunch at college, going back and to school, buying everything on my own – food, drinks, whatever I need for home. That’s how my family thought me to value money and to know how to plan my expenses so that I’ll have enough to survive the month. Only that with A. my money for the month usually end around the middle of the month and the other half of the month I have to not spend anything. Sometimes I refuse to go out with her because I just can’t afford it and she goes all pouting.
The past few days she keeps on talking about stuff that she has no idea about – politics, the life in our country, etc. She hasn’t been here for the past 5-6 years so she really has no idea how things really are. And she makes those stupid comments and when I try to explain to her that she is wrong and why she is wrong, she goes right away laughing at me and calling me stupid. ._. Trust me. I am not stupid. I might be insecure just about anything, but not about my brain. I’m smart. I’m intelligent and I keep myself informed about everything. But A has to always be right and she always gets into fights with me about those things. I’ve reached to the point where I just roll my eyes and say ‘Yeah, okay, whatever’ and just ignore what she talks about.
And then yesterday she says she wants to go out for a coffee with me, V. and R. – other friends of ours from high school. V. and R. told her that they are free after 2 in the afternoon, and I told her that I’m okay around 4-5pm because I have to go to the bank to take my new debit card, then I have to do some shopping for my vacation (not that she knows I’m leaving >.> ), and she says that she wants us to meet in the evening. And by ‘in the evening’ read – for alcoholic drinks. So I tell her that I do not want to go out drinking, and she goes ‘Well, yeah I can’t afford it anyways’, but she keeps on saying in the evening. And when I told her ‘Fine, just go with V. and R. , no need for me to be there’ – pretty much telling her that if she goes to go then she still won’t have her money-bank (me), so she rants for an hour what a horrible friend I am and how I’m ignoring her all the time and how she will go crazy because she never goes out, etc. etc. etc. But of course she ignores the fact that the past week I asked her to go out for a walk at least 10 times – you know, a walk in the park, sitting for a coffee, just hanging out, she always refused because according to her this is ‘boring’ and by boring read – no booze, no fun. Well, sorry, but I am not an alcoholic. I like drinking every now and then, but this doesn’t mean drinking every single day. :/
And to be honest, I already can’t wait for her to go back to the UK – after two years of doing nothing, she finally decided to go for a Master degree (once again a crappy major that won’t really give her any chances to get work once she graduates). Really… she could have been finishing a second Bachelors degree by now in a much better major, but she said she didn’t want to waste her time -_-‘ And I suppose staying home, doing nothing is not actual wasting of time. Really… if she doesn’t leave for the UK any time soon I can so see myself just stopping being her friend (something that I maybe I should have done long ago).
I’ve tried talking to her about her starting thinking about her future – work, school, etc., but all she does is telling me that I know nothing, that I’m stupid and that I’d have it easy once I graduate as I’ve picked a good major. Well… Sorry, but I was thinking 10 years ahead in the future when I picked my major – Computer Science and Programming, and she picked this stupid literature major because all she had to do over the years was read 10 books and write 10 essays. *rolls eyes*
*sighs* And now I know what will happen when I tell her that I’m leaving for a vacation – she will rant about how unfair life is, how I’m abandoning her, what a selfish friend I am and so on. Well, sorry that I’ve been saving every penny for the past few years and I can afford a vacation. Sorry that you did nothing for the past couple of years and you expect people to give you everything. Sorry that you are the actual selfish person who only knows to blame everyone else. :/
Gh… and she calls herself MY best friend. Not that she has ever done anything friendly towards me, not to mention ‘best-friendly’. But maybe I’m the naïve one, wishing to have true friends like back when we were kids. I don’t know… you tell me… But I do know that A. is anything but my friend.
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