Oh… lol… aren’t I pathetic? xD
Have you ever cried for *checks time* 20 hours non-stop? God… it fucking hurts. My eyes feel like I’ve poked them with forks and then I’ve twisted the forks inside them. But… whatever… I deserve it for being a pathetic self-pitying moron. Good thing is that I haven’t been able to eat either, so who knows… maybe I’ll lose a pound or two xD
I just… can’t stop myself… The few people I consider to be close to me… I’m pushing them away… and I won’t stop until I’ve made them leave me for good. I know I’m a horrible person… I know, okay?? But I’d rather make them leave then see them leave me on their own ,because they’ve gotten sick of me and my whining and my stupid imaginary problems. I don’t deserve them… And I know that if I cry to them about my “problems” they will feel bad eventually because they have problems of their own… No one wants to be around someone who constantly reminds them about their problems, right? That’s why I’m sure no one really wants me around.
The stupid thing is that even if I’m the one to make them leave, I’m the one to stay offline, block their IMs, their PMs and so on… I’ll still feel and think and believe that they just don’t want me around and that they are just ignoring me. Yeah, I’m that pathetic. I will be seeing them online, I’ll be seeing them talking to other people and I will feel bad because they won’t be talking to me. Like always really. I suppose I’m a possessive bastard who wants everyone to pay attention to me and to always be in the center of attention… Not that it can happen when I’m not talking to anyone… I don’t know… I want my friends… I need them… more than ever… but I can’t stop pushing them away… I don’t want to hurt them… I don’t want to lose them… but I’m terrified to go to anyone directly… I have no right to ask them to be there for me when I’m never there for them… I’m a horrible friend. A horrible person and I deserve to be left alone, to be hated, ignored and eventually to just be forgotten…
And I do know that even if some of them try to be there for me… sooner or later they will give up and leave me… I don’t want to see them leave… so… I know I should be the one to leave… no one would ever care if I’m around after all… no one would miss a fucking depressed moron like me…
1 comments:
Psh, you can keep pushing moi but I am not going anywhere Izu. You know I am there for you so you keep up trying to test moi because I am going to get straight A's in passing them all. -Hip bumps-
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