Izu's World

Disappointment is a big part of the process of growing up. Or at least to those who do grow up. I have been disappointed by more than just one or two people in my life. I’ve been disappointed by myself as well, but this too has been a big part of my getting mature, becoming an adult, learning about the world around me. But lately I’ve been realizing more and more that not everyone grows up and that not everyone acts like adults.

I have a best friend – or at least I’ve given her this title as I don’t have any closer friends. I’ll be calling her simply A. So, A has been my best friend ever since 8th grade – our first year in highschool. The two of us have always been so close that we could finish our sentences or understand each other with just a glance, laughing at the same stuff, having our billions of inner jokes, etc. However, lately I’ve realized that A is quite selfish and doesn’t really think about anyone else but herself.

The other day she got mad at me because I said that I didn’t want to go with her and this weird dude that she met through her ex boyfriend – she wanted the three of us to go hiking, but I had to say no as I had to study for a huge exam which is going to be about 30% of my final mark for this class that is rather unlikely to pass unless I do get a high score on the upcoming test. And she was like ‘Boo, you’re so boring’ and she got mad at me. *rolls eyes*

Now, you see she doesn’t have a work, she is out of school already (graduated a 3-year Bachelor, while mine is 4 years long), she has no friends but me, she has no hobbies, she does nothing all day long. So she assumes that whenever she wants to go out I can go out with her as well. Only that she doesn’t realize that I do have other things to do – classes, chores, tests, resting, working out and so on. And even if I do go out as often as I physically can, she doesn’t seem to appreciate it. And her family is not all that great financially (actually they are on the verge of being completely broke), so it’s not like she can afford going out more than once or twice a week. And I can’t afford buying her endless drinks once she has spent her money, because she drinks three times more than I do and five times faster.

But still… once or twice a week… I can afford it.

And then a couple of days ago I had problems with my blood pressure – it goes extremely low sometimes and I end up fainting, being all weak and so on. I felt like I was going to die. My hear t was beating so slowly that I could pretty much breathe in and out in between the heartbeats. I was hardly able to keep my eyes open or semi-sit in my bed. So, A IMs me on Skype and says ‘Let’s go out with P!’ (P is the said weird dude – I don’t mind hanging out with him every once in a while, but I don’t like his… weird attitude towards me). And I explain to her how sick I feel and she got mad at me again. Saying some stuff like… I’m selfish and I go out only when I want, and I don’t think about her and so on… pretty much blaming me for her lack of life. It’s not like I’m her lover or anything, so I’m anything but responsible for her life. -.- I said ‘Kay’ and ended the conversation because she went out with some girl from our old class. *rolls eyes*

And now… three days later – I was busy with Easter, had guests, had some family time, rested, slept in and so on. She did not contact me at all during this time, but I wasn’t online all that much either. Today is Easter so I IMed her our usual greeting about Easter, and there is no reply. She is online. She has received the message. She wrote on facebook. I even saw her online on a forum we are both part of. Yet she completely ignores me. Wtf? Won’t you grow up already? I thought that maybe she was ashamed of her words and reaction the other day, but… is she mad at me?? For having a life of my own? For being sick? Seriously?? She was the last person I thought that would disappoint me like this, but I guess… life is indeed full of disappointments.