What’s going on with the world? For just one day I read about 4 posts and articles (different sites, newspapers, forums) about people who killed themselves… I mean it’s not like it’s such big news or anything like this – people die one way or the other every minute all around the world. But what got me go completely wtf was that all those articles and posts were written by close friends of the said person. Sometimes even family members. And they all said ‘No one saw it coming’.
. . .
This line… It made me thinking. As a person who has been depressed for so many years that I can’t count, I know what is it like to need someone to notice your pain… but I also know that it would be my fault if no one sees it as I always hide what I truly feel. I know that it would be my fault if I keep on smiling, acting as if everything is perfect while on the inside I feel like I’m drowning in darkness.
I would never go for a suicide… no matter what happens.. because I’m oddly optimistic. I know that things can go really bad, that I usually think that I will never find happiness, love, etc., but at the same time I do realize that there is a chance things to work out somehow. And I do believe that there is always this tiny chance… even if I don’t think so…
But I suppose not all people can be optimistic like this. I suppose there is a much darker place than the one I am in. But still…
Who is the one to be blamed that things went that bad? The person who was suffering, but never let the people around them to know about it? Or the ones around that person who never bothered to ask? Never tried to make them open up? Or can we blame anyone at all?
I guess that the ones who are still living just try to protect themselves by saying they never saw it coming… but… is it alright? I just… I don’t know…
I used to hide whenever I got depressed or when my moodswings got worse, so everyone thought I was the always smiling, always laughing and joking person that I usually act as in public. And when I did open up to some people I considered friends… well… let’s say that I haven’t heard of them in years. But still… I promised to myself to show people when I feel down… because even if they don’t give a damn about me… well I’d rather be true to my feelings than to hide behind those always-smiling masks that I had on for so long.
But still… we… all of us… should reach out to other people. Even if they are always smiling, appearing happy. Because ‘appearing happy’ doesn’t mean actually being so. I guess all of us, all humans, we are to be blamed that we look aside, close our eyes or just not try hard enough to care for other people. It is sad but ‘humane’ is a word that we start to forget more and more with every next day. And I suppose that until every single one of us experience being in that dark place, hoping, praying that someone would reach their hand out to us, we won't start realizing just how important it is to actually notice the little signs…
I just hope that people won’t realize that sometimes they have to be the ones holding out their helping hands post factum. Because if we don’t start helping each other even when help isn’t asked for, those that in the Darkness will stay there until it’s too late to be helped…
Rest in peace… I hope you will find some light in the afterlife.
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