Yet another moodswing… I feel like I’m suffocating… I have had some pretty fucked up dreams the past few days, ending up with hardly any rest. On top the weird weather is causing my blood pressure to act up going super low. I haven’t had much of a muse for my roleplays… I just can’t get the will to sit and write. And I want to write, but… I feel like I’m empty…
On top once again I feel like no one gives a damn about me. My family only shouts at me. The stupid washing machine broke again and of course I was the one to be blamed.. and I haven’t even touched it. It’s not my fault that the engine is fucked up… And I just feel like this was the last drop to get me to this moodswing… And I really feel like I have no one to talk to about those stuff or anything really… My rl friends… they never care about me… never talk to me unless they need something from me. And I don’t really feel all that close to any of them… not even to my ‘best’ friend… how can I feel close to someone who never listens to me and never asks how I am and if I mention that I feel sick or just not great they brush off the subject and ignore me for the rest of the day or the week or the mouth? I’m sick of my rl ‘friends’…
And online… I’m too scared to go to anyone directly. Ask for help directly. Ask them to listen to me or just talk to me to keep my mind away from all those gloomy thoughts… I don’t want to bother them… not when I know that they have real problems… and not some stupid pointless moodswings… I’m scared I’d lose them… I don’t want to lose them… because even if they don’t consider me their friend I consider them my friends… even when they don’t talk to me…
I’m pathetic, aren’t I?
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